From: Timothy Newsham 
  To: 0xdeadbeef@substance.blackdown.org
Date: Fri, 14 Jul 1995 20:42:22 -1000 (HST)

1]  A shotgun shooting 12 pellets of 00 Buckshot weighing 4g leave the
    barrel at 1125 fps.  Assuming the average infant will absorb 127.3 f/lbs
    before disintegrating, how many babies will the average blast cut through
    (rounding off to the nearest whole number)?

        eight.

2]  A 100 kg man is being swung by his entrails in a circle 16'in radius      
    at the rate of 1600 radians/sec.  Find the tension in the man's entrails
    (ignoring the effects of gravity).

       65,024 Newtons.

3]  A pagan priest attempts to vaporize a young virgin by placing her in
    a flaming pit.  Assuming the woman, weighing 120 lbs, is completely
    composed of water, how much energy will he have to use to completely
    vaporize her?

      130,000 BTU

4]  An infant has a tensile strength of 400 psi and has a cross sectional
    area of 23.4 sq. inches.  Assuming it is 23" long and has an elongation
    percentage of .0036%/120psi at roomtemperature, how long will the baby
    be before it is dismembered?

     about 26.45 inches.

5]  A 12 year old blind orphan girl is shot from a cannon at the speed
    of 1200 fps at a solid brick wall.  Calculate the force of impact given
    that the brick wall is 3 feet away from the barrel.

      if she weighs 50 lbs, and all of her sticks to the wall,
      3.3 million Newtons.

6]  A large plane weighing 12.7 M tons carrying 12 tons of nuns and orphans
    travelling at 724.46 kph and at an altitude of 40,000 meters suffers
    explosive decompression above the center of a 30km diameter population.
    Assuming that one passenger is sucked out every second, how many passengers
    will land within the population center?

    about (give or take a torso or leg) 12.

7]  A 1000 lb car is moving at 130 mph and two poodles whose combined weight
    is 82 lbs are thrown out the back at 3 mph. Calculate the velocity of the
    car.
 
    140.91 happy mph.

8]  Farmer Brown is selling apples for 12 cents a dozen in a room where a 
    torch has a brightness of 120 candela is 12 ft froma 14.36 sq meter surface.
    Assuming a light bulb 17.3 cubits fromthe surface has a brightness of 129
    candlepower and gives offheat of 1.27 BTU and the room is 423 degrees
    Kelvin; assuming thethe pressure in the room is 1100 millibar; assuming
    the lightbulb is rotating at 4 pi radians per half minute, with the power
    source of the bulb a battery giving off energy at a rate of 12000000
    terrajoules per exasecond;  assuming the coefficient offriction at the
    base of the rotating lightbulb is 1.679 E9;assuming the room is being
    launched at 50 times escape velocity;assuming it collides with the moon
    in a perfectly elastic collision, when the room returns to the earth 6
    days 4 hours 20 minutes 35 seconds and 12 nanoseconds later, how much
    does Farmer Brown sell one apple for?
  
     still one cent, but all thats left is well-done apple sauce,