From: glen mccready
To: "glen's humor list"
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 14:38:27 -0400
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 12:05:10 -0400
From: Keith Bostic <bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU>
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Subject: It's like starting a lawnmower, but the sensation is quite different.
From: matthew aldous <mda@lame.mame.mu.oz.au>
I have an interesting water/body story, that actually happened to me.
Let me tell you about the joy of "hyperoxaluria" - something I've got
which makes life wAaY cOoL. Essentially, my body loves to pump out that
calcium, but doesn't know when to stop. One really way cool side effect
is kidney stones, of which I've had 7 requiring hospitalisation in 3
years.
There's nothing that can really be done, aside from avoiding Vitamin C
and calcium, guzzling Vitamin B, and drinking heaps.
I've had the pleasure of receiving medical instructions to drink 2 litres
per hour, something which is *not* fun. However the most glorious
experience would have to be one of the 7 hospital journeys I had.
When an episode comes on, you're suddenly hit with the most intense
mind-shattering body pinching gruesome pain, that feels like an internal
industrial set of pliers crunching your kidneys inside for 13-14 hours.
If you want to experience the pleasure, get a hard brick, hand it to
someone, and have them slam it against your lowerback. Give yourself a
fever, a psychoticly high blood pressure, acidic vomiting, sweating, and
deliria.
Oh, did I mention that it just happens out of the blue? Like the time I
was over the road from a hospital, and walked into reception.
Unfortunately, hospital staff react in a strange way to someone that's
walked in off the street, sweating, delirious, shaking and demanding
drugs.
However, I've diversed from the water/body story. The sonic-blast thingy
that everyone tells me I should use (like I don't know about it) have
never worked with me, and I basically get painkillers (morphine) for 4 or
5 days, a saline drip flushing me out, and a catheter wedged up, through
my penis to my bladder/kidneys.
What always strikes me as amusing, is that with this little tube coming
out of me, and a little tube coming in, your body "balances" out it's
water level. One night, I sat up, delirious, and forgot I had a drip
coming into me. I managed to push the bed over to the sink, and poured a
big glass of water. I guzzled the entire glass down, and in about 2
seconds, a glass of water came rushing out. I poured another glass,
guzzled, and another glass of water came rushing out. It was really cool!
When you finally pass lovely fine gravel, ow ow ow, they get to remove
the catheter. This is done with approximately 2 minutes prior to
departure. Essentially a nurse walks in, flicks a sheet back, wraps one
hand firmly around my dick, and grabs a hold of the tube with another.
It's like starting a lawnmower, but the sensation is quite different.
Actually, I would recommend it to any die-hard kinky sex fiends wanting
to try something new. It *really* is quite unique. With one hand wrapped
on firmly, the nurse meerly whips it out with the other hand.
I've met a woman that's had a child, gaulstones, and kidney stones, and
she insists that kidney stones were by far the most painful. *ha* she
knows nothing about the joy of have your genetalia crank started by
dragging a piece of plastic from your kidneys...
Mmmm. fun fun .